How to save the Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?


Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

"True Friendship"

"True" Friendship
None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-

Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against

the fu*king bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit winging

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;

"because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.