Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
"True Friendship"
"True" Friendship
None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the fu*king bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit winging
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
the fu*king bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit winging
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Difference between good male & female friends
Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
4 Telco CEOs
There was a large scale global conference taking place for all the players in the telecommunications industry. At the end of the 3 day event, there was a golf chillout session for them to relax and network with each other. The CEO's of the biggest 4 manufacturing companies decided to form a group and play among themselves and this created a perfect opportunity for them to show off their latest technology to one another.
The CEO from Finland was about to tee off when the sound of a phone rining stopped him. He stood straight (Like an antenna), and started speaking into thin air. When his call ended, very proudly, he announced "Finland Technology. No more phones needed." The other 3 CEOs smiled and the game proceeded.
Another phone rang, this time it was the American's CEO. He put his palm on his face as if it was a phone and continued his conversation. He smiled at the rest and said "American Technology. You don't need phones & you don't need to stand straight to continue a conversation."
The game went on.... next call was for the Taiwanese CEO. He answered and spoke without needing to stand straight, or to put his hand on his face. The other CEOs were impressed. "Taiwan technology. We are the leaders!'.
Their golf game was coming to a close and they were at the last hole when the Japanese CEO suddenly ran to the bushes with a flushed face! He remained there for 10 minutes. The other CEOs became worried about him and checked if he was OK. They found him squatting in the bushes, pants down, sweating face... "Sorry guys. Urgent fax from Japan HQ...."
The CEO from Finland was about to tee off when the sound of a phone rining stopped him. He stood straight (Like an antenna), and started speaking into thin air. When his call ended, very proudly, he announced "Finland Technology. No more phones needed." The other 3 CEOs smiled and the game proceeded.
Another phone rang, this time it was the American's CEO. He put his palm on his face as if it was a phone and continued his conversation. He smiled at the rest and said "American Technology. You don't need phones & you don't need to stand straight to continue a conversation."
The game went on.... next call was for the Taiwanese CEO. He answered and spoke without needing to stand straight, or to put his hand on his face. The other CEOs were impressed. "Taiwan technology. We are the leaders!'.
Their golf game was coming to a close and they were at the last hole when the Japanese CEO suddenly ran to the bushes with a flushed face! He remained there for 10 minutes. The other CEOs became worried about him and checked if he was OK. They found him squatting in the bushes, pants down, sweating face... "Sorry guys. Urgent fax from Japan HQ...."
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